"...more rocks..." "...here, i'll wash, arthur can wringe and you hang them on the balcony..." "...i can't handle this heat anymore..." "...fran! hurry! i've got something to show you on the terrace! grab your drink and come up asap! look! the acropolis!..." "...no wonder you girls aren't married yet! look at this room! it's a pig sty, and it's all your crap! clean it up fuck ya!..." "...let's take the backstreets in case he's on his way back from work and he sees us taking off. shit! is that him on that bike??..." "...you have to go to a bar called indy's in zagreb. you should go even just to look at the cocktail menu. it's not a proper menu. it's just pages of plain white paper with the drinks written on there and you get to design it yourself. they ask you to draw a cock on it..." "...max..." "...it was great meeting you. happy trails and goodbye..." "...what are you doing? this is my bed. oh you put the sheets on? my friend returned to the room before me and i thought she got the bed ready for me...shit, sorry. there's another bed on the top bunk if you want that one..." "...check out that palace! it's massive! and that church. i've never seen anything like it!..." "...uuum, fran? this train's rolling backwards. should we have gotten off at the last stop?..." "...please tell me you're joking. surely we don't have to walk up that hill to get to the hostel..." "...if i hear mozart's name one more time...!..." "...aaarrrgh! did the gorilla just pee on us????!!!!..." "...shhh, we gotta be quiet. oh shit! the pasta's boiled over! shit shit shit!...DING DOOOONG! oh shit! that wasn't the porch light, it was the doorbell! shit shit shit!  RUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!..." "...uuum, this isn't the maria-plain station? where's maria-plain??!..." "...oh.my.god! the colour leaked! what am i guna to do!!!!!?? what would my mum do if she was here????!..." "...quick! throw the whole thing in the shower and we'll try washing it!..." "...du reckon the lady will notice that the doona is soaking wet? no way, she's guna have to throw it out. she's guna hate us. and she only charged us for 5 nights instead of 6..." "...quick, close the door! B rabbit's guna get out! that's all we need. first we wake her up, then we ruin her doona, now we're guna let her rabbit loose!..." "...hello, you look lost. can i help you with directions? by the way, if you're looking for somewhere to have a drink, try the haufbrau haus around the corner from here..." "...do you have to pay to use these toilets?..." "...happy trails. might bump into you somewhere else around europe. goodbye for now..." "...the skylight's leaking!...fuckin busabout! can't wait til we finish with them!..." "...where have you been so far? where are you from? where are you heading to after nice? how are you finding busabout? yeah, this hostel's pretty crap huh? yesterday i went to have a shower and the water kept turning off. and there's no powerpoints! what the?..." "...and duhduhduhduhduh..." "...for those of you that want a drink, there's an irish pub around the corner from the hostel..." "...i'm just guna make a quick phonecall here. you girls keep walking and i'll meet up with you - don't turn off this road!..." "...i love you kangaroo, yes i love you. i'm sorry yes i'm sorry. i love you australia, yes, very good, i'm sorry, i love you kangaroo..." "...hey! are you german? shut the fock up!..." "...i need to do laundry, i stink!..." "...i can't believe this crap. how can they exploit people like that? 90euros for a candle!! you've gotta be fuckin joking! let's go have a drink, this is pissing me off..." "...hmmm...shopping?..." "...um.. there's no light in the bathroom. and do those stairs slope to the right, or is it just me?..." "...sugar sugar...honey honey..." "...that's the mona lisa?..." "...bad photo!!..." "...don't know what all the fuss is about really, it just looks like the art centre spire..." "...can you believe we are standing under the eiffel tower, fran?! ME and YOU, under the eiffel tower! in paris! we are in paris! ME and YOU! in paris!!!!. and look at all those guards with the machine guns! hmmm, he's not bad!..." "...hehe, look at that man in the funny mask! he's scarring the shit out of people! that's sooo funny. come, it's our turn to go in. oh. shit. look at all those stairs! no wonder quasi didn't come down once he went up there - he couldn't be bothered climbing back down!..." "...come on, we can do it!..." "...another turning point, the fork's stuck in the road..." "...you can't take the elevator from the bottom to the top. you have to walk to the first floor then take the elevator from there. no, there aren't that many stairs...about 340..." "...water! give me water! i'm dying! 340 stairs my ass! how come those people are coming from the bottom by elevator??.." "...wow! look at the eiffel tower! it's sparkling! i'm so glad we did this bike ride. it's the best thing we've spent money on!..." "...have you ever heard of latvia?..." "...sorry, you are not allowed to take photos. i will have to take your camera and you can pick it up at the end of the show..." "...i'm so over these train stations! they stink like piss..." "...nice meeting you. here's my email in case you ever come to australia. happy trails. goodbye for now..." "...it's 9 o'clock. get out! it's not my problem if your clothes are still wet! it's 9 o'clock, get your washing and get out!..." "...don't worry, we'll hang everything up on our travel clothesline and then we'll dry what's left with the hairdryer..." "...how many swiss army knives should i buy? one for my dad, one for my brother one for my cousin. am i forgetting anyone?..." "...shite, my jeans have fallen apart. i'll be arrested for indecent exposure soon. i think it's time i bought new ones..." "...wait til we get to prague..." "...look at that waterfall!..." "...i need to get out of here! i'm getting cabin fever! i've read all the books i can find. let's go to the bomb shelter for a drink tonight..." "...but it's raining! what about our hair?!..." "...stay in touch. safe travels. goodbye..." "...bloody norah!..." "...get up ya lazy bitches!..." "...which street did we come from? we're guna miss the last bus if we don't find the busstop soon!..." "...i wish it would stop raining..." "...put your masks on! we'll take photos with them. ok, you sit over there, you there, and i'll set the camera up and then jump over there...quiiiiiiiiiick before the timer goes off!!..." "...man, these mozzies are killing me! they won't stop bitting! bastards!..." "...ciao ciao ciao..." "...alora. ALORA. alora. alora. alora. alora. alora..." "...um. what day is it again?..." "...i've gota call home at some point today. haven't spoken to my parents for a week..." "...i've got the hiccups..." "...now really, what do i need one of those squeeshy things for? no, i don't have children to give them to, no i don't want your squesshy thing, no i won't be buying one. thank you. i said no squeeshy things!..." "...watch your bag. there's gypsies on this train..." "...holy shit! there's the colossium!...can you believe we're standing in front of it!?..." "...can't believe i'm eating a cheese sandwhich inside the colossium...who woulda thought?..." "...look! there's the pope! i think he's blessing us in italian..." "...time grabs you by the wrist, direct you were to go..." "...i've gotta do a post. my backpack's getting too heavy. shit, i gotta carry all that crap to the post office now..." "...whadayamean i have to go to a newsagent to buy a box and an envelop??! this is a post office for godssake! do you sell stamps at least?!..." "...i've got the hiccups again..." "...boo!..." "...yeah , fran, that was really scary..." "...fran, number 4, that 'beautiful' song is on again. we've gota find out who sings it..." "...it's our last day here. let's see what's guna happen..." "...scusi mate. can we chuck these bags under the bus?..." "...have you got any aspisin left? i've caught a cold again..." "...i have to buy a phone card. i told jacs i'd call her today..." "...fuck. another church..." "...what time are we setting the alarm for in the morning?..." "...is there anything we have to do tomorrow? i think i'm due for a day off..." "...happy 4 month anniversary! can you believe it?? four months!!..." "...so make the best of this test and don't ask why..." "...night maude..." "...coffee?..." "...what time do we have to be at the station?..." "...which platform?..." "...i'm hungry again..." "...the ferry can't be booked! how are we guna get to sicily now??..." "...let's go, we got an invite to go to the cockpit of the ship with the sailors. wooohooo!..." "...hiccups again..." "...si, ferry...sicilia...malta..today?...time? che...t i m e...f e r r y...g o..." "...there isn't??! what do you mean there's no ferry leaving for malta today?? what are we guna do now??...we don't have accommodation..." "eeeeey, carmelo! ciao ciao! si, dormire buono! graci!..." "...set the alarm for 7.30am. we have to get our tickets for malta as soon as the office opens. there's no way we're staying in pozzallo another night!..." "...where the hell is carmelo? he said he'd meet us here at 8. screw this, lets walk into town before the tickets are sold out..." "...oh...it's daylight savings today?...oh...so it's 8.30 now, not 9.30...oh...so carmello didn't stand us up?..." "...fran, i'm guna be sick. where's the toilet?!..." "...tomorrow we go gozo..." "...iiiiiiii love you, youuuuu love me, weeeee're a happy family..." "...hiccups again..." "...man, i'm starving...we have to go find food..." "...lets not go back yet. there's some benches there, we can sit and talk for a while..." "...i'm seriously starving now. let's look for some shooting stars and wish on them for food..." "...look fran, a bakery! du think it's open at this time of the night!!? oh thank you god! it is! quick! bread!..." "...we'll call this one guiseppe!..." "...it's not a question but a lesson learnt in time..." "...i so can't wait to get home. i wish we could just press 'fast forward' right now...and we've still got months to go. du really reckon we'll make it? what the hell were we thinking maude?..." "...oh maaaan! look at all our clothes! it's so good to change these jeans! and this top! i forgot i even brought it with me! this is so good! and the hair straightner! hello hair straightner! i missed you baby!..." 

 

END OF ACT I